Emotional Torture
by Dove of Ages
Summary: Haruhi is dead, and Hikaru is taking it hard. But is that really the whole story? Chapter 10: Haruhi couldn't bring herself to care. Kaoru had shouted her name. Her real name.
1. Chapter 1

_I have a really awful need to write something depressing.... T.T Amber is probably right.. I am a little morbid sometimes. Oh well. Character death. Angst. Blah blah blah, you get it... Bear with me and my horrendous drabbles... This won't be a one shot, fyi... and it may or may not end like you think it will... jut fyi..._

-.-

Death.

Why did it come when you least expect it?

Why did the simple loss of a person hurt so bad?

Why had she forced his body out of the way, only to take the final blow?

For him.

He wanted to scream and cry and pound his fists on the ground. But his body was frozen. The only thing he could do was stare as his mind screamed, _Why?!?! Why!!! Why did you take her from me!!! Why?!?!!! _

The emotions and feelings of ache, pain, need, longing, anger, frustration, hatred and love were all balled up and crammed in his throat. He couldn't speak; he didn't want to speak. His breath came in and out raggedly from his lungs. He didn't want to breath. His heart pounded heavily in his cramped, aching chest. Why wouldn't it stop beating?

His want to live had ended when he had heard the sickening thud of metal hitting flesh; hitting Haruhi. He had turned and the scene he saw was forever branded into his mind.

The blood...

_Haruhi's blood..._

... was everywhere. And Haruhi was lying, crumpled and hurt on the sidewalk, not two yards from him.

He had run to her and gently pulled her into his arms. As soon as he touched her, he knew it was over. Her life was over. She was _dying. _"No.. No, no, no, no, no, no!" Was all he could say as he looked at her in his arms, dripping blood, his face horrified.

She coughed, spitting blood, and her eyes cracked open. "Oh, Hikaru..." she murmured, blood dripping from her lips.

"Don't leave me..." he whimpered, tears dripping from his face to mingle with the blood.. her blood. "Please... Haruhi, please, I love you.. Please don't leave... Please..."

Sirens were wailing in the distance, coming to take her away to the hospital. But what point was there? She was slipping away, even as he begged her not to, life slowly draining from her limbs.

A cough racked her small body and the blood kept coming, but he could do nothing. He could just beg her not to leave, not to go, not to leave him without her. But she couldn't do anything either. She was too far gone to be saved.

"Hikaru...!" she choked out, looking at him with dimming eyes. She moaned in pain. "Hikaru... I love you..." her breath was dying out and her life was dimming.

Hikaru, desperate to do anything, _anything_, to bring her back, leaned in gently and touched his lips to her. He watched to many fairy tales. A kiss wouldn't bring her back. But, oh, how he hoped and prayed it would.

She gasped softly, even as her eyes dimmed more. She drew in a shallow breath and with it, she whispered, "Hikaru... I love you... so much..." and she was gone.

Hikaru looked at those blank, lifeless eyes. "No..." he whispered. "No!" he pulled her close and buried his face in her blood soaked hair. He didn't notice the people around him as he sobbed.

Now he was watching as the coffin was lowered into the cold and unforgiving ground. A place from which she wouldn't return.

Ever.

Kaoru was next to him, clinging to Hikaru's hand like it was his only lifeline. Hikaru clung back. What else could he do? Kaoru was the only thing that had kept him from throwing himself under the tires of another vehicle so the pain of losing Haruhi would go away.

All he could do was ask why and cling to his brother.

He wasn't crying anymore; he had cried out all his tears for the last two days.

Two days...

Had it been that long since he had heard Haruhi's sweet voice?

"_Ha ha ha, Hikaru, you're such a dork!"_

Had it been that long since he had seen her beautiful face?

"_Come on, Hikaru, let's go on that ride!_ _It looks fun!"_

Had it been that long since he had tasted her lips?

"_Hikaru! I know you like to kiss me, but at least do it when we're not around the costumers!"_

He wanted to rewind to the day, one and a half years ago, when they had started dating. The time since then had flown, but the joy in those days was so great and amazing!

A year and a half ago he hadn't known that that happiness would haunt him now.

Her smile haunted him.

Her laugh haunted him.

Her personality haunted him.

Her _everything _haunted him.

He remembered their first kiss... That kiss was perfect.

It was their second date, and it was one of the best days of his life. They had walked around in a beautiful park, him holding her hand, talking and laughing and having fun. He didn't remember what they were talking about when he had been overcome with the intense desire to kiss her.

He had stopped her, standing under a large shade tree that was near the path and gently turned her towards him. He remembered saying her name, his voice husky with want and her cocking his head at him and asking, "Yes, Hikaru?" in that sweet voice of hers.

He had gently cupped her face with is hands and pulled her close to him. When he lowered his mouth onto hers she had gasped softly against his lips.

Her lips...

He wanted to groan, but bit it back. They were always soft and pliable when he kissed her, and she always received his kiss with a smile and would always kiss back. She always tasted good, like sweet mint and vanilla. The way she tasted was addicting.

He was crying now, eyes clenched shut, trying to force away the pictures that were flooding his mind in waves.

Their first kiss...

Their first date...

Their second kiss...

Their third date...

He whimpered softly, trying to stop the flow of memories that was killing him slowly. Oh, how he needed her. He _needed _her. He tried to muffle a sob, but it didn't work. He ducked his head to hide the tears that streamed from his eyes. His brother was hugging him, but Hikaru couldn't find the strength to hug back.

Would Hikaru ever find the strength to do anything without her?

"Come on, Hikaru.." Kaoru murmured in his ear, gently tugging on his arm. "We should go home now.."

_No!! _His mind rebelled ferociously, even as his feet followed his twin. _I can't leave Haruhi! I can't leave her! Don't make me leave! Please... Please... Let me have her back.. Let me have her back.. Please.. Haruhi.._

By the time he and his brother were back at the limo, he was reduced to a crumpled form sobbing his heart out in the back seat, babbling gibberish about wanting her back. The sorrow stung his throat and overtook his mind as he curled into a ball, his head on Kaoru's lap.

"Ssh..." his brother murmured, stroking his hair softly, trying to comfort him. "It'll be ok, Hikaru. Ssh.."

The words were hollow in Hikaru's ears. Hollow, empty, meaningless and without comfort. Without Haruhi, he would never be the same. He would never be the same happy, carefree, prankster that he once was.

He couldn't be. Not without her.

He cried till the tears ran out, but it didn't help the hurt. Nothing could help the hurt, but Haruhi coming back to him. Kaoru stayed with him, gently petting his hair and wiping the tears off his face in the back of the limo.

But Hikaru didn't want the comfort of his twin; he wanted the comfort of the brown eyes beauty he had fallen in love with.

But he couldn't have the comfort of her. He would never get it again.

She was dead.

His sobs were dry now, with no tears falling from his eyes at all. It was like all the moisture there had been dried up. There was none left.

"Hikaru..!" Kaoru sounded frantic. "Please stop, please! You're going to make yourself sick. Please stop, please!"

He was sick. He was sick with sorrow. And suddenly, throwing up sounded good. But there was nothing to throw up; he hadn't eaten anything since Haruhi had left him.

"Hikaru, I'm going to call mom and dad if you don't stop!"

What a hollow threat; what could his parents do to ease his suffering? What could anyone do?

Kaoru was crying now, his concern for his brother and his loss of Haruhi combining into a powerful force that pushed him into hysteria. "Please stop, Hikaru!" he sobbed. "Stop, stop, stop...!" his fingers interlaced into Hikaru's hair as they clenched, and the sharp pain in Hikaru's scalp was a welcome pain. He wanted it to hurt more. Maybe it would diminish the pain he felt at the loss of Haruhi.

He would never get over this hurt; he just knew he wouldn't. It would always be there, aching, nagging, pulling, hurting him. The throb in his head turned his thoughts from Haruhi, even just for a moment. He didn't try to stop it.

Kaoru yanked on Hikaru's hair until Hikaru was sitting up. Kaoru forced himself into Hikaru's lap and wrapped his arms around his twin's neck. "Please..." Kaoru begged, his tears wetting Hikaru's shirt. "Please don't leave me.. I know it hurts.. but please, please don't leave me alone.."

His pleas made Hikaru think of his own pleas, when Haruhi died. Hikaru hugged Kaoru close, fresh tears (where did all the tears come from?) fell from his eyes. "I won't.." he whispered. "I promise, I won't."

The hurt was still there, the aching, the longing, the memories, but he still had Kaoru. Maybe if they closed up their world to just the two of them again, it wouldn't hurt so bad. Maybe if they didn't let anyone else in, they wouldn't be hurt again.

That's why they hurt now, why they were both crying, trying to stop the pain. They had let Haruhi in, had let them enter their world and become part of it. Hikaru had fallen in love with her. They had been friends, best friends, and now she had been torn away from them.

When would this pain ever subside?

He didn't realize he had spoken this out loud till Kaoru replied softly, "Never.. it will always hurt.. Time doesn't heal all wounds.. Because this one will never be healed... ever..."

"Will it fade, do you think? Will it stop hurting so intensely, so badly?" Hikaru whispered.

"I don't know, Hikaru. I hope so. I don't want to feel like this forever."

"I.. miss her, Kaoru..."

"Me too, Hikaru, but I don't think she would have wanted us to be like this." he laughed shakily as he carefully disentangled himself from Hikaru's arms, but remained in his lap. He looked into his twins eyes and laughed again, but it was still a feeble and weak attempt at laughing. "Look at you; you're a mess."

Hikaru blinked slowly and looked away. He didn't want to laugh. He didn't even want to smile. His shoulders slumped. He was a mess. "I really loved her, Kaoru." he whispered, voice cracking.

Kaoru gently touched his face. "Don't think about that right now, Hikaru. We... need to move on, because we can't bring her back. We just _can't._" Kaoru smiled with compassion as the tears started to drip down Hikaru's face again. He took his brother's hand as he climbed off his lap and opened the door to the limo. "Come on, Hikaru. Let's go get some ice cream... That is what always seems to help in those sappy movies that we always used to watch with..." his voice trailed off and the smile left his face. "Well.. come on."

Hikaru followed like a lost puppy, and probably looking like one too. He wasn't a puppy, but he was lost. He was lost without his Haruhi.

He didn't even see the faces of sympathy as he was led by his brother to their room. He didn't want to see them.

-.-

The small girl had been watching the Hitachiin twins for two days; their sorrow was immense and it struck a cord in her. Oh, how she wanted to run to Hikaru and hug him and kiss him and love him. She loved him so much; why had she agreed to do this when she knew it would hurt him?

She hadn't known that it would hurt him this much. She hadn't known that he, or anyone, for that matter, could cry so much. That so much liquid could fall from his beautiful golden eyes seemed crazy to her. Those eyes were supposed to light up with happiness and sparkle with mischief.

Instead, they were dark with pain and suffering and the tears never seemed to stop falling from them.

She had seen every moment since two days ago, every second of the happenings. His pain had caused her to weep and his whimpers and noises of heartache had caused her heart to clench and her breath to hitch.

He was sleeping now, with his twin brother, Kaoru, watching over him. His sleep wasn't restful, she could tell, because his face was troubled and he tossed and turned and groaned.

Her heart hurt.

The door to the room she was in, with TV screens that monitored Hikaru and Kaoru's doings, opened. A man stood there, looking at her with eyes blacker than black. It was this man that had forced her to do this. If he had carried through with his threats, it would have cost to much. She had to do this.

"What?" she spat, glaring at him. "I'm doing what you told me, can't you just leave me alone?"

He chuckled slightly, and his voice met her ears, a creamy confection of evil trying to be kind. She hated his voice. "Oh, my dear Haruhi, are you unhappy with the proceedings?" he laughed. "I say you did very well, faking your death."

Haruhi winced. She didn't like to think that she was the cause of Hikaru's pain, even if she was. Her death had been staged very well. The entire host club, accept for this menace and one other, had believed that she was dead.

Kyoya stepped into the dim light, glasses flashing. "You know that this is for the purpose of science, don't you, Haruhi?" he asked, trying to sound innocent.

_Science..._ A name that sounded innocent, when really what was going on was the emotional and mental torture of one of her best friends, he boyfriend. She loved science, but this was not science. This was cruel.

He snickered. "I see your face, Haruhi, I know what you are thinking." he sneered at her. "You're thinking how could we do this to Hikaru? And why would we choose to hurt Hikaru? Why him? He's done nothing!"

This time, there were two laughs as a second boy entered. Haruhi backed up, because the one that should _really_ be feared entered the room. Purple eyes dark with malice and lips turned up in a sneer that would have made children cry, Tamaki entered. He draped his arms over Kyoya's shoulders and rested his head next to one of his arms so that Kyoya's and his cheeks were pressed together.

Haruhi wanted to throw up.

"What did he do?" Tamaki laughed. "That's a stupid question, Haruhi. You obviously know the answer."

Haruhi didn't. She couldn't see what Hikaru possibly could have done to deserve this.

Tamaki laughed. "I can see that you refuse to see the truth of the matter, my dear." he stepped away from Kyoya and stepped over to where she was standing.

She pressed herself up against the wall, eyes wide. She didn't want him to touch her! Not at all!

He snickered. "Oh you are funny." he ran the tips of his fingers over her cheek and down her jaw line, leaving a trail of frigid cold on her skin. His touch always made her blood run cold. He tipped her chin up and studied her face. "What did he do, you ask? Nothing." he smiled. "He did nothing at all. I just _enjoy_ putting people in pain."

"You monster!" she snapped, giving him a vicious glare.

He laughed. "Thank you, my pet, I enjoy that." he moved his face closer to hers, and a strange look came over his face. "But you realize that this is not over yet, right? And you understand the consequences if you don't go through with it?"

She avoided his eyes. Yes she understood. She understood perfectly. A shudder went down her back at the things he had told her he would do if she didn't obey. What he had said was awful, horrible and her mind burned at the thought of what might happen.

She felt his furry before she saw it, burning her. He brought a hard smack down upon her cheek, leaving her seeing stars and feeling dizzy.

Her cheek burned.

"Do you understand?" he demanded, his hand poised to strike again if need be.

She looked at him, then said softly, "Yes. I understand."

He chuckled. "Good." he leaned down and kissed her lips, lingering long enough to make it seem like forever. He pulled back, smiling. "Oh yes. If you disobey me whiles on the premises, such as not following small orders to the exact..." his hand traced a small circle over her abdomen, then flowed down to touch her in a spot she didn't want touched, not by him. "I'll have to do away with something I'm sure Hikaru wants for himself."

Laughing, he drew back. "Have fun watching that miserable Hitachiin suffer. You'll be going in for phase two tomorrow. Be prepared."

Kyoya followed Tamaki out of the room, and the door closed, leaving her in silent darkness.

Haruhi closed her eyes and slowly, he knees gave out on her. She sank the the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest, shivering hard. She knew the consequences of what would happen if she didn't obey Tamaki, but she didn't know if she could pull phase two off.

She wanted a Hikaru hug.


	2. Chapter 2

_I realize that most of you are probably fans of Tamaki, but I personally don't like him. I don't like him really at all, so I made him the bad guy. T.T, idk if I should rate this M or T... What do you guys think...? Hmmm...._

_-.-_

Neither Hikaru nor Kaoru went to school for weeks after that. Hikaru didn't move at all, but he wasn't asleep. He didn't move unless absolutely necessary, as in, eating, but even that was scarce. He didn't move so that he didn't have to think. And not thinking, he found, made the pain almost go away.

Almost.

Kaoru, on the other hand, was restless, and couldn't stop moving. This was oddly out of character, because usually it was the other way around. Kaoru couldn't sit still for more than a minute those weeks, and had to find something to do with his hands. So he left Hikaru in bed.

Hikaru didn't care. He just didn't care anymore. He didn't care about anything. He was too wrapped up in his depression over the loss of Haruhi to care about anything other than himself and how he felt. It hurt to much to care about other people.

Maids went in and out, offering him food and water and blah blah blah, he didn't care, but his only reply was a blank stare that quickly ran them off. They were all scared of his pranks, but they were even more scared of his silence.

And silent he was. He couldn't find the will to speak anymore. He barely had the will to live.

So he didn't speak, nor did he move. He would rather waste away to nothing than be forced to walk around and see things that reminded him of her.

-.-

Kaoru stared at the new maid, entranced. She was _beautiful_, but not the kind of beautiful that Hikaru would like, he feared. Her hair was long and black and her eyes were wide honey brown. Her facial features were delicate and her skin was smooth and lightly colored tan. Her fingers were small but capable, and her hands were lightly worn from work, but not calloused. They were as close to smooth as possible without the air of pampering. Her feet were a size six, he assumed, small, but well in proportion with her body. She had curves, he recognized, in the right places, but they weren't abundant. Her chest wasn't completely flat, maybe a high A or low B, but it wasn't full either. Her lips were full and curved into a smile that was both happy... and sad.

He hadn't spoken directly to her yet, but his mother had told him that she was Kaoru's and Hikaru's new personal maid. Hikaru was going to hate her because she would make him think of someone he didn't want to think of.

"W... What's her name?" he asked his mother tentatively, watching her with wide eyes as she spoke to some of the more experienced maids.

His mother had a small smile on her face as she replied. "Torako. Lovely name, isn't it? Why don't you go introduce yourself and then go introduce her to Kaoru. I'm due at a fashion shoot.." she glanced at her watch. ".. in ten minutes." She kissed his head and smiled. "Bye, Hikaru, love, see you later."

Kaoru wiped the spit from her kiss off his head. He hated when his mother mistook him for Hikaru. Scowling, he caught the new maid's eye and motioned her over.

She stepped over him, but didn't meet his eyes at all. She refused to look into his face.

"What's your name?" he demanded, then winced at his harshness. "I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I'm angry." he attempted a weak smile as she glanced up slightly and met his eyes. "It's kind of a bad time for mom to hire a new maid. Something.." he paused, not sure how to put it to words that wouldn't make it sound like he was desperate to dump all his troubles on someone. "Tragic. Happened recently." He cocked a half grin, but it faded swiftly. A smile seemed almost wrong on his face.

The gentle lift of her lips made him smile, genuinely this time. "It's ok." she said softly. "I understand."

Kaoru closed his eyes slowly, then opened them. Hikaru was going to murder his mother. Why oh why did she have to look and sound like Haruhi? His heart ached, still sore from loss and not ready to have someone take the place of Haruhi.

"Come on." he said, sighing in defeat. She would have to meet Hikaru eventually. "I'll... show you Hikaru, but it probably won't be that great of a meeting. He's going through a little bit of a rough spot right now." Little bit, was an understatement.

-.-

Haruhi, with very little difference in appearance, other than her darker hair and fuller curves and breasts, followed Kaoru up the stairs, dreading seeing Hikaru again. Seeing him on the screens at Tamaki's place had been hard enough for her, but seeing him in person?

Her heart ached so bad, she wanted to turn and run from the house, to flee from Hikaru and Kaoru, who both had special places in her life. But now she was a part of theirs again, in a different way. She was here, as ordered by Tamaki, to fix the shambles of Hikaru and Kaoru's life, while having them fall in love with her all over again.

Then Tamaki would take her from them once more.

She shuddered. She wanted to make this last, drag it out for as long as possible, so she wouldn't have to leave them. But she knew that would be hard; she loved Hikaru so much, she hated to see him in pain. She wanted to hold him close and fix his broken heart, even if she wasn't Haruhi to him anymore.

Kaoru opened the door to what she knew was Hikaru's room. She knew this place top and bottom, from all of Hikaru's special hiding spots that very few people knew of to where every utensil and bit of food was located in the kitchen.

Her first glimpse of him made her heart melt and shatter all at once. He was curled into a ball on his bed, very obviously depressed and sad. Kaoru flipped on the lights and Hikaru curled deeper into the covers, whimpering in protest against the sudden light.

"Hikaru." Kaoru said, going over and shaking the figure on the bed. "Get up; mom sent me to introduce you to someone."

Hikaru grunted, but didn't emerge.

Haruhi ripped her eyes from Hikaru's form and looked at Kaoru, who looked defeated. A lump in her throat made her voice slightly hoarse. "How..." she cleared her throat. "How long has he been like this?"

The lump on the bed suddenly shifted and the blankets were thrown off, as a voice cried in excitement, "Haruhi?!?"

The lump in her throat suddenly reappeared and her eyes started to burn with tears when she saw his face; it was streaked with tears of sorrow and there were dark bags under his eyes. The sparkle in his eyes was there for a brief second, then it dimmed down to a lifeless nothing. His shoulders slumped. "Who are you?"

Kaoru rushed to beat her to the punch line. "Hikaru, this is our new personal maid, that mother hired. Her name is Torako."

She bowed slightly, but couldn't rip her eyes from his beautiful, even though the misery was apparent there, face. "Nice to meet you."

In a burst of anger that she knew was common for Hikaru, he jumped to his feet a furious snarl on his face. "Well its _not _nice to meet you! Get out of my house, now!!" she saw tears in his eyes. "Get out, I refuse to have you as any kind of maid in this house!" he whirled away and stamped his foot in a childish sign of rebellion, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Maybe you should go now..." Kaoru started, but she was already on the move. She was going to make this up to him, even if she couldn't be 'Hikaru's Haruhi' anymore. She was going to make his hurt go away.

She grabbed his arm and forced him to sit on the bed. Shocked, he stared at her. "Don't move!" she demanded, pointing at him and glaring. She turned to head to the kitchen where she planned to get his favorite ice cream flavor. She was going to make him tell her everything, no matter how long it took. It would hurt her, and him, she was sure, to talk about her death and her life, but that's what he needed.

He needed to get it all out there and make his emotions clear.

She cracked a half smile. Sure, it was the girlish way to approach this difficultly, but what else was she supposed to do? Let him sulk and brood and feel bad the rest of his life?

She didn't think so.

-.-

Hikaru stared at the door, eyes wide, heart racing and the place on his arm where she had grabbed tingling. There was only one person who could make him react in this way, let alone order him around. And that was Haruhi. His heart lurched and clenched in pain.

But he still didn't move.

_That's not Haruhi! _His mind told him, as it tried to make him move. _You know it isn't, so why are you letting her boss you around?!?_

He didn't know. He wanted to cry at his lack of knowledge. He wanted to cry about a lot of things.

He still didn't move. Not an inch.

Kaoru was watching him, he knew, but he couldn't look at his twin. He didn't look, but he had to ask, so he did. Sounding a little breathless, he asked, "Who was that?!"

Kaoru stared at him hard. "Our knew maid, Hikaru, Torako." Kaoru's anger hit Hikaru hard and suddenly, leaving him confused.

He looked at his twin, tears welling higher in his eyes and eyebrows pushed together in confusion. "Why are you mad at me?"

"I don't know, Hikaru!" he snapped. "Maybe cuz you've known her for point two seconds and you're already forgetting about Haruhi! Are you so fickle that you'll fall out of love in one second and in love in the next? Cuz that is sure what it seems like, Hikaru Hitachiin."

Hurt, Hikaru looked at Kaoru with wide eyes. "How could you say that?" he demanded in disbelief. "I _love _Haruhi! I will _always _love her! I would _never ever_ look for or want someone to replace her!" tears were leaking from his eyes again. How did he have so many tears? "She just..." he desperately looked for an excuse to his reaction to the new maid girl. ".. looks so much like her." he covered his eyes as more tears streamed out.

That was the reason, he decided. She looked like Haruhi and sounded like Haruhi and he thought that maybe his mind thought she _is _Haruhi. But she's not. She never would be.

Kaoru sighed. "I'm sorry, Hikaru.. my emotions are a little on edge right now."

"It's ok..." he muttered, still crying. He was thinking of Haruhi once again, and he couldn't stop the flow of tears. He ached for her, needed her comforting presence.

Suddenly the door flew open and the new maid stomped in, carrying two huge bowls of ice cream. He peaked through his fingers at her, trying to keep his face hidden for the most part. Wait... was that...?

Chocolate ice cream with all the works physically possible; chocolate sauce, cherries, nuts, chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, sprinkles in all colors, gummy bears, cookie dough, butterscotch chips, caramel sauce, bits of strawberries, whipped creme and, most importantly, maple syrup.

He blinked. How had she known that...?

He didn't complete the thought because one of the bowls was shoved into his hands. He stared at her as she ushered Kaoru from the room and turned to him.

"Eat." she ordered.

He couldn't. He was too busy staring at her as she opened the curtains, letting in the sunlight that was too chipper for his depressed mood, and opening the widow. She walked over to the bed, grabbed the other bowl of what Hikaru called 'Random Mix' and sat on the bed across from him. "Ok. Talk. Tell me all about Haruhi."

Hikaru flinched. How did this girl know about Haruhi?

She smiled lightly, looking a little wistful. "Haruhi was my friend. I miss her too. This is a good way to make it hurt a little less."

Hikaru tried to blink back tears. He didn't want to talk about Haruhi, not with this strange girl who claimed to know his Haruhi. "I don't believe you." grr... his voice was shaking.

She leaned her chin on her palm and looked at him steadily. "I realize that you don't want to tell me because I'm a strange person to you, and I know it hurts you that I knew Haruhi. But first of all, because I'm a stranger, I can't judge you. I don't know you enough to do that." she took a deep breath. "And secondly, you could ask me any question about Haruhi and I could answer. She was like my best friend."

Hikaru whimpered and ducked his head.

-.-

Haruhi watched Hikaru's face crumple as he ducked his head. She almost whimpered herself, wanting to comfort him so bad, even though she wasn't able to.

This was going to harder than she thought...


	3. Chapter 3

_Hmmm.... I kind of lost my inspiration a little... Comments are appreciated, so feel free...._

-.-

Haruhi scowled at Hikaru, who was being completely and totally stubborn. He evaded her questions, avoided her eyes and very obviously fought back tears. The stupid head! He was such a male sometimes... And she made it clear that that was her thoughts.

He glared at her, his eyes shiny. "I _am _male."

"Obviously, or you wouldn't be so stubborn!" she snapped. "If you were a _girl _then this wouldn't be so hard!"

"If I were a _girl _this wouldn't be happening to me!"

Oh, how she wished to smack him. "You know what, that isn't the point at all!"

"Then what _is _the point, since you're so smart?"

What was the point of doing this? She didn't know. _Go asked Tamaki if you wanna know the truth. _She told him silently. _He _was the one behind this whole scheme of blah blah blah...

Out loud, she said, "The _point _is I'm trying to help you feel better!"

"Well its not working!"

"_Obviously!!"_ She snapped, dripping sarcasm all over the place. "If you weren't so _stubborn _than maybe this would work!"

"Well, too bad, cuz I _am _stubborn!"

She glared death into his copper colored eyes. On normal days, those eyes would have melted her into a pliable, squishy blob of romanticism and love for Hikaru, but right now, she was too frustrated to melt. She was solidly, compactly, absolutely frustrated.

He glared death right back into hers. But his reaction was completely different from hers.

Hikaru was falling to pieces. He couldn't stop thinking..!

Her eyes are just like Haruhi's.

_Deep and beautiful, full of mystery and knowledge. Those eyes could melt or burn him in one glance._

Her voice was just like Haruhi's.

_Haruhi's voice always made his insides quiver like Jello. _

Her hair was just like Haruhi's.

_Longer perhaps, but soft, he could tell, and it smelled like oranges; the scent was that strong. _

Her _personality_ was just like Haruhi's.

_She was stubborn, sweet, caring and seemed to know him top to bottom, inside and out. _

He was shaking like a leaf and knew it. This _sucked. _He fought himself as hard as he could, but could barely resist the desire to lunge across the bed and kiss this horrible, Haruhi-clone maid with all his might. She was that much like Haruhi! He wouldn't even think to kiss someone other than Haruhi, ever, so desiring to kiss this girl was almost insane.

She didn't look away, glaring steadily into his eyes. An involuntary shudder ran up his spine, then down it. He had to get out of here _now. _

Standing up, he slammed his bowl of half eaten ice cream down on the night stand. "Forget this!" he snapped. "I don't need flack from you when I already have the rest of the world on my case!" he stormed out of the room and slammed the door, but didn't get much further.

His knees gave out as soon as the door slammed. Slumped against the door, tears streamed down him face. He imagined what he must look like to the people who passed by.

He probably looked utterly pathetic.

-.-

Haruhi pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned her forehead against the bare skin. She was wearing a dress, after all.

Maybe trying to persuade Hikaru was not the right way to go about this.

_Trial and error..._ she thought to herself sadly.

She scowled into her knees. This sucked. Stupid Tamaki. Stupid Kyoya. Stupid Tamaki!

She needed another plan. Another better plan! But one that would last a long time. So that she wouldn't have to leave Hikaru again. She didn't _ever _want to do that again. Never, ever. She wanted to stay by his side forever.

She sighed as she felt tears pricking her eyes.

Tamaki wouldn't let that happen.

Tears trickled from her eyes.

This _sucked. _

There was a soft knock on the door and she glanced up. "Torako, I'm coming in."Kaoru called to her.

Oh crap. She was a _maid_, not Hikaru's girlfriend anymore. Sitting on his bed was completely inappropriate! She jumped to her feet and bustled about, trying to look busy.

Kaoru entered, trailed by a familiar blond head.

Haruhi stiffened instantly. Oh crap.

"Hello there. Aren't you a pretty thing." Tamaki advanced on her, looking innocent, obviously pulling on his host club facade. As he advanced, she backed up. _Touch me and I will kill you, idiotic jerk face..._ she thought, but swiftly found herself hit a wall.

"Umm.. Sir?" she was starting to get scared.

Tamaki was obviously acting, she knew, as he tilted her chin and frowned slightly. "Ya know, you look just like.."

Kaoru cleared his throat, interrupting the blond before he could go further. "So she's been told." he said lightly.

Tamaki laughed lightly and teased. "I bet Hikaru hates her."

Tears welled unbidden in her eyes.

"Hikaru hates everybody right now." Kaoru said with a sigh. "He ran off, I think, to sulk somewhere in private."

Tamaki looked at Kaoru, turning his attention away from Haruhi. Haruhi muffled a sigh of relief. "He's still sulking? It's been weeks! Even Hunny has stopped crying."

"He loved her a lot, ya know." Kaoru said gently. "I don't know why mother felt she had to hurt him more by hiring this maid that she knows will remind him of her." Kaoru eyed her up and down.

She fought a scowl. What was she, a horse? She had a brain and could very well be offended by something like that. If she were Haruhi at the moment, Hikaru would have killed both his brother and Tamaki.

Please let Hikaru kill Tamaki.

She brushed off the thought, knowing it wouldn't happen. Tamaki would kill Hikaru before the vice versa happened.

Oh please don't let Tamaki kill Hikaru.


	4. Chapter 4

_Ah... My inspiration is back... I can't promise how long it will last... But hopefully I will be able to update a couple more chapters.... Please review... And enjoy... Uhh.... Yeah. I apologize it took so long, and I'm sorry if it makes absolutely zero sense and I apologize if Hikaru and Haruhi are OC.... _

_ -.-_

Hikaru leaned his head back against the dusty wood that supported his back. This was the one place he had solace, the one place where Kaoru wouldn't bother him with his antsy movement, where the blasted rest of the host club wouldn't get in his face and try to cheer him up and where that _cursed horrible _maid wouldn't try and infiltrate his brain.

He hated this place. He hated the people in this place. He hated his mom and his dad and his brother and the host club and the maids and the cooks and the butler and the happy freaking mailman that waved to the gardener every single freaking time he delivered mail. He hated the memories and he hated the aching sadness and he hated when how he missed Haruhi so much he couldn't move and he hated how every inch of him longed for her comfort.

He hated that she was gone.

He hated so many things, people, emotions, places, memories, that he was smothered in hatred. He was almost numb with it. It seeped from his pores and shot from his glaring eyes. He swore that if any of them, any single freaking one of them, tried to talk to him, he would smash them to little tiny itty bitty pieces and then drop them out the window.

The fifth story window that he was sitting at, at that.

His house was five stories tall, level on for entertaining guests, with it's huge ball room, multiple kitchens and several smaller libraries and sitting rooms; level two and three for his, his brother's, his parent's, and guest bedrooms; level four four the servants quarters; and level five a dusty and unused attic jam packed with boxes, trunks and crates of long forgotten letters, clothing, magazines and any other thing that was of little or no importance.

The only reason he was up on the fifth floor was because it was one of the only places that nobody came, not even Kaoru (who was a little grossed out by the filthiness and the clothing that was so unfashionable it was almost a tragedy). Not to mention the neat and really cool stuff that he and Haruhi had rifted through. They had found some really amazing things.

He hated this place for that though. Because he hated the memories that accompanied the silence of the window seat and old attic.

He wasn't even making any sense anymore.

He silently glared out the window, wishing to himself that the cheerfully mailman chatting with the gardener would suddenly burst into flames. Why did he be so happy? Couldn't he be sad and dismal so that Hikaru would feel like he wasn't the only one who was miserable?

That was right. He wasn't really angry. It was a cover story. He was miserable. Achingly sad and miserable. But the only way he could deal with the misery was anger. That was the only way he could see that would make sense to his brain, being angry. His brain rejected the ideas of letting himself be as miserable as he was.

He had decided that after weeks of lying in bed and hardly eating anything, he was going to put up a front. He couldn't keep staying in bed (he was starting to look almost anorexic, and his hair was disgusting).

And he knew that Haruhi wouldn't want him to be that way.

His heart gave a pang, but he ignored it... Or tried to ignore it.

His emotions were like a roller coaster... A terrible roller coaster in which he was riding blind.

But now he was riding it alone.

Without the one person who had kept him sane.

-.-

Haruhi sighed. Tamaki was gone. _Finally!_ He had hung out with Kaoru, discussing Hikaru with him. _Plotting! _Plotting on how to make him feel better! How dare that swine. How dare that horrifyingly good actor! Making Kaoru think that he was actually _sympathetic!_ Freaking **insert bad word here**! She hated him!

She really wasn't even sure if half the things she said or thought was making sense. She highly doubted it. She almost felt like she were floating in a dream world...

Kaoru opened the door to his and Hikaru's room and stepped in, looking a little worn out. "Ah... Torako-san... Have you seen Hikaru?"

Haruhi flinched when Kaoru called her 'Torako'... Why did Tamaki choose that name anyways? "No, I'm sorry, Hitachiin-sama, I haven't seen him."

Kaoru shook his head slowly. "No... Don't call me that. Just call me Kaoru or something... It doesn't feel right you calling me that." he looked her up and down slowly. "Especially since you look like someone I knew once."

Haruhi cocked her head, and fought tears burning the back of her eyes. "Ah... Yeah. Haruhi. Is it ironic that I knew her?"

Kaoru gave her a strange look. "You knew Haruhi? Haruhi Fujioka? With the cross dresser for a dad?"

Haruhi cracked a small smile and nodded. "Yes. That Haruhi."

Kaoru sat on the bed and then patted the space in front of him. "Middle school?"

Haruhi made a mental note to remember everything that she told Kaoru, in case the subject came up again. She had to make sure that the puzzle of her story fit, or Tamaki really would kill Hikaru. "Yes." she sat where Kaoru had motioned for her to sit and made herself comfortable.

Kaoru studied her with probing golden eyes. "Was she as amazing as she was before she died?"

She returned Kaoru's gaze with what she hoped was a blank and steady gaze. "I'm not sure what you mean, er, Kaoru."

His smile was small and his eyes turned slightly distant. "Ah... I guess I mean... Was she as beautiful? As amazingly unselfish and angelic? As patient and overflowing with kindness?" tears welled in his eyes. "As sweet and perfect for Hikaru as she was when they were together...?" His voice cracked and a fat tear drop rolled down his cheek, that was soon followed by several others.

Haruhi wanted to cry to. She wanted to throw herself at Kaoru and sob that she was sorry, sorry for hurting him, sorry for hurting Hikaru, sorry for _everything._ But she didn't. She merely stood up and fetched him a tissue.

"Thanks..." he murmured, burying his face in it.

"I..." he voice cracked slightly, so she cleared her throat. "I would hug you, Kaoru, but I don't think it would be appropriate."

He laughed shakily. "Ah... Don't worry about it." he paused and looked up at her. "Hey.. I have somewhere I need to go in a little while. I'm going to go hang out at Kyoya's with the rest of the host club. Would you... Mind looking for Hikaru?"

Haruhi nodded, but in her mind she was screaming for him to not go. What if Tamaki and Kyoya pulled something funny?!? But Mori and Hunny would be there... But still!! "Sure." she said, her voice a little uneven. "I'll look around for him." she hesitated. "Anywhere... he might be?"

Kaoru stood up and pause slightly before answering. "The attic, maybe? He always went there with Haruhi."

Haruhi's heart ached.

She really didn't want to go up to the attic.

-.-

_Haruhi was laughing at him as he strutted around the cluttered space, sporting a purple feathered hat and long mahogany walking stick. He laughed back in response._

"_Hey, Hikaru, look!" she exclaimed, opening a letter that was labeled in fancy cursive, _My darling Abigale!_. "I think it's a love letter."_

_Putting aside the funny hate and walking stick, he stepped over to her and placed himself behind her before pulling her gently into his lap. She nestled into his back and started reading aloud. _

"_My dearest Abigale..."_

_Hikaru's giggle interrupted her. "'Dearest'?" he chuckled, putting his chin on her shoulder. _

"_Don't mock him, Hikaru." she scolded him. "It's not like it's terrible to call someone important to you 'dearest' or something like that."_

"_Whatever you say, 'darling'." he replied, grinning. _

_Ignoring his teasing reply, she read on, "My dearest Abigale, how I miss you. It almost seems as though the time we spent together is a distant and beautiful dream. It's been such a long time since I've seen your face..."_

"_Sappy..." Hikaru moaned. _

"_If you're going to complain, you can go somewhere else."_

_Hikaru zipped his lip. He wanted Haruhi to stay in his lap. _

"_It seems as though the distance between us is everlasting, even though it's really only twelve miles. Hardly any distance at all, if you think about it. But it feels like you are so far away...."_

"_Is he pining?"_

"_Thought I told you to shut up."_

"_Fine...." Hikaru groaned in exasperation. _

"_My Father's health is slowly draining away, my dearest...." Haruhi continued, skipping some of the sappier stuff, knowing that Hikaru would complain more if she read it. "Because of this, I won't be coming to see you for a while yet. If your father weren't so protective, maybe you would be able to visit me, but from what you told me about the argument you had with him in your last letter, that won't be happening any time soon."_

"_Aww." Hikaru interrupted again, a sad look on his face. "Her father doesn't approve!" _

"_... I wish I could speak to your father instead of forcing you into the compromising position of being the middle man, but I can't.... I'm sorry, my dear."_

_Hikaru pouted. "Haruuuuhiiii.... This is sad!"_

"_I must retire now, my love, for an early morning awaits me and it's already quite late. I will write to you again soon, I swear it. Remember that I love you, darling, and that we'll be together soon. I love you. Good night."_

_They were both silent after that, both trying to imagine being in a position such as the two lovers who had writing each other letters back in forth, hardly ever seeing each other, but still loving each other deeply. _

"_Ah.... I love you, Haruhi."_

"_... I love you too, Hikaru."_


	5. Chapter 5

_Short update time, huh kiddies? Aren't you thankful? Aren't you going to give me extra long comments, neh? Yes? You are? Because I've been such a good writer and updated twice in thirty days :D Aren't ya gonna say thank you you're amazing? Can you tell I'm in a funny mood...? Not to mention it's chapter five :D So rejoice peoples! Oh! And if you wanna read a really good story... **grins slyly...** I recommend Head Over Heels for Haruhi... Mwa ha ha ha ha...... XD... Are you guys wanting the story to get on with it, rather than just blah blah blah bore you to death with feelings and crap? Hee hee... Not this chapter, loveys! Next chapter ^-^ I promise!.... And I had to reupload the chapter twice T.T Cuz the sight was being mean to me about the chappie. _

_ -.-_

Haruhi hesitated at the top of the stairs. There was that door, the door she had come through over and over and over with ease. She used to be excited and happy to walk through that door. But now she was dreading it. She didn't want to see if Hikaru was on the other side of that door. She wanted to go back down stairs and hide.

She really didn't want to face Hikaru again. Especially since she had nearly broke down crying last time. And also since the memories in the room beyond that door would be swirling through her mind, making it easier for her to choke up.

Heck! Half of the memories she had of Hikaru and herself were from this room! This was where they loved to spend time. It was a place full of things yet to be discovered. Things that were mysterious and from the past and, as Hikaru called them, 'portals to things we never even dreamed of'!

Haruhi gathered her courage and reached for the brass doorknob, clenching her eyes shut as she prayed that her fingers would never reach the cool metal. But they did. Her fingers clasped around the familiar shape sooner than she wished they would.

She stood there, frozen. She couldn't force her hand to turn the knob. She couldn't intrude on this place that Hikaru wouldn't want her to intrude on.

She fought down a sob at this thought.

She didn't want to intrude on this place that she, _Torako,_ had no business entering.

She leaned her head against the cool wood of the door. She had no desire to upset Hikaru. She didn't want him to hate her.

A tear unbidden slipped down her face.

Haruhi quickly wiped her eyes, a little annoyed at herself for being so freaking emotional. Even though she really couldn't blame herself for being emotional. Considering all that was going on at the moment. Because, really? Who wouldn't be upset by the current situation? And Haruhi determined that out of all the people dragged into this, she had the right to be the most upset.

Still. She couldn't show Hikaru she was upset. Because if she got upset around him, she might actually blubbler the entire story to him. And that would be bad, she decided.

Since Tamaki would probably kill him.

-.-

Tamaki frowned as he looked over the screens in front of him. On screen one, there was Kaoru in his limo, driving to Kyoya's house. Screen two was Hikaru's and Kaoru's empty bedroom. Screen three was Hikaru's and Kaoru's empty bathroom. Screen four was Hikaru's and Kaoru's empty game room. Screen five was Hikaru's and Kaoru's empty library. Screen five was Hikaru's and Kaoru's empty dining room. Screen six was Haruhi's empty bedroom on the fourth floor.

The key word?

Empty.

Empty! All the rooms he had cameras in were empty! He couldn't see where Hikaru was! And he couldn't see where Haruhi was either! What room could he have possibly missed?! Surely there wasn't any other room that Hikaru and Haruhi hung out in! He would know about it!

What if they were escaping?? What if somehow Haruhi had told Hikaru, and he had believed her, and they had worked out a plan that avoided all his cameras, spies, mikes, everything! And had escaped!

He systematically worked through where he had placed his tools of spy work. There weren't any holes. They couldn't leave the property without his knowing. So they were still at the Hitachiin estate. There was no way possible that they had left it.

Because he surely would've...

The door opened. "Tamaki. Mori and Hunny are here. Are you coming?"

Through gritted teeth, Tamaki replied. "They aren't anywhere. I can't find them."

Kyoya shook his head. "They can't leave the property without us knowing. It's impossible. They probably are in rooms that don't have cameras because we deemed them unnecessary when we put them up. Calm yourself and come greet our guests."

Tamaki nodded, trying to relax himself. Right. That wasn't the objective right now. The objective was to appear sad and broken about the loss of Haruhi. Tamaki smiled slightly.

No problem.

-.-

Hikaru was half asleep. His head was leaned back against the hard wood, and a blanket was wrapped around him. He was drifting off into the first normal sleep he had had in weeks. It was a sleep that had sprung from mere exhaustion.

Not to mention the blanket wrapped around him smelled like Haruhi. It smelled the the spiced apple shampoo she used (as he had insisted she do) and it was warm. He liked it. Even though he was having to fight off memories of him and Haruhi with viciousness, it was still a pleasant smell.

Hikaru didn't hear the slight creek of the door as it opened, nor did her notice the tiny brunette that entered. He was lost in that half awake/half asleep state of mind, and he really couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't.

In his half dream/half awake state, he eventually did notice the girl standing over him. She had a half smile on her face as she leaned over him. He vaguely felt gentle fingers tuck the blanket tighter around his body.

He was slipping deeper into the tendrils of blackness that licked at his mind. He was barely conscious when he felt gently lips touch his forehead.

Before he completely fell conscious, he whiffed the unmistakable smell of spiced apples.

-.-

Haruhi sighed as she settled herself down among the piles of things around her. She still had to talk to Hikaru, whether or not he was asleep. Kaoru had told her to come find him and spake to him... Not like she was eager for his to wake up, but she should still wait for him to do so. Since Kaoru had told her too...

She hummed quietly to herself as she looked around the familiar room. The memories were waiting on the fringes of her mind, waiting to pounce on her. It was hard to fend off those thoughts though. Those thoughts that probed at her brain, bursting forth into words or pictures. But she pushed those things away from her and focused instead on things that wouldn't provoke memories that would pierce her heart.

Bacon... Banana phone... Pigs... Food... Ootoro... Explosions... Alphabetizing... Counting... Math... Science... Japanese.... English....

Remember-that-time-Kaoru-walked-in-on-you-and-Hikaru-kissing?

No.

Reading.... Writing... Drawing... Libraries... Raccoons... Tigers... Turtles... Anime... Manga...

Remember-that-time-Hikaru-somehow-convinced-you-to-watch-that-stupid-anime-and-then-you-somehow-got-hooked-and-read-the-manga-too?

No.

Computers... Mocrochips... Zip drives...

Remember-that-time-Hikaru-borrowed-your-zip-drive-and-when-you-got-it-back-it-had-that-really-sweet-message-from-him-in-it?

No.

Not... Thinking... About.... Hikaru!!!

It was taking conscious effort. It was the worst possible conscious effort that Haruhi had ever needed to use! Almost every word she thought of had a memory attached to it! More often than not it was offhanded, but it was a memory!

Like those scrambled sentences up there. The thoughts would just progress and progress and progress until she had something like...

Remember-that-time-Hikaru-told-you-he-loved-you-right-in-front-of-all-the-clients-and-Kaoru-had-to-come-up-with-a-super-clever-cover-story??

And then she would be screaming at herself to shut up and be pounding her head against the nearest solid object.

Not really.

But if things kept going like they were, she would be doing just that.

She didn't even want to be here at the moment! At least, not how things were. Which she had already gone on and on about earlier... But still.

Adjusting herself so that she was leaning against a large wooden box, she relaxed, prepared to wait for Hikaru to wake up for a long time.

Since she knew she had a tendency to sleep like the dead.

Remember-that-time-when-Hikaru-fell-asleep-and...

SHUT UP!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

_Tee hee ^-^ Guess who? I'm going to update in the same week. O.O How is this possible, you say? I'm in a weird mood. Perfect for writing! So be grateful younglings! And read and review and be merry :D Btw, if you like my fics :D Pop over to my page and read my oneshots of superb Hika / Haruness! Love ya guys ;)_

_ -.-_

_It was a nightmare. A screaming, raging nightmare. Hikaru was stuck in it, he couldn't move, couldn't breath, couldn't scream, couldn't do anything. He was drowning in rancid blackness; it was a blackness that swirled around and choked him. He couldn't escape it. _

_He fought it hard, attempting to wriggle out of its grasp, but it held him firmly. He couldn't fight it. Not without a light. _

_A light. That was the only way to fight the darkness. Because darkness could only be defeated, driven away by the penetrating rays of light. _

_His light was Haruhi. _

_But Haruhi was gone. _

_Tears trickled down his face despite himself. How was he supposed to fight the darkness swirling around him if he didn't have his light, his Haruhi? Was there even a point to living anymore? Was there even a point to fighting the darkness that enveloped him? _

_Vaguely, he felt something shaking.... Maybe there was an earthquake. _

"_Hika..."_

_Hmm. Now he was imagining voices. Hello voices.... _

_The darkness capsized around him, attempting to drag him deeper into them. But he felt himself floating up... Still in darkness, but getting somewhere._

"_Hikaru..."_

_Voices again... Why were the voices speaking to him? Didn't the voices know that he was busy feeling sorry for himself? Apparently not, since they were harassing him. Maybe it was the darkness talking to him..._

"_Hikaru! Wake up... Wake up Hikaru!"_

_A fragment of light drifted past his eyes.. His eyes that he thought were filled with darkness..._

_Either Haruhi was still alive and talking to him, causing the light to shine through.._

_Or he was..._

-.-

waking up.

Hikaru opened his eyes, frowning. In the blurry scope of his vision, he made out round brown eyes, full, slightly pouting, lips, and brown hair. "Haruhi...?" he managed to croak. Then he coughed. It was dusty.

"No. Not Haruhi."

He hummed in disappointment, suddenly overcome with the exaustion that had come over him earlier. He didn't know what he was doing, since sleep still had the most control over his body...

The last thing he remembered was his arms wrapping around something soft and warm... And then a blackness, a much kinder, gentler blackness overcame him.

-.-

Haruhi froze. Hikaru had his arms wrapped tightly around her waste and his head was resting in her lap. She couldn't move, and she couldn't breath. He had done things like this before, when they were dating. Falling asleep with his head on her lap or on her shoulder. But they weren't dating anymore! That was the problem.

Nervously, she tried to shift away from him. He muttered something, and his arms tightened. No! Don't do that Hikaru! She couldn't let him do this! What if Tamaki were watching them?! What if he was on his way here now with a knife and was going to kill Hikaru?? And after he killed Hikaru, what would he do with her?! Not that her main concern was herself... But she had been taught by Hikaru that _his _main concern was her. He had even told her himself that if he ever died she was to marry Kaoru (yeah right) and not be sad! Which he had been kind of being hypocritical about, considering his reaction to her 'death'. But that was beside the point.

Haruhi was kind of panicking right now. It wasn't normal for her to panic, but Hikaru's life was at stake! She racked her brain, trying to remember where the cameras had been placed. Had there been one in the attic?!?! She couldn't remember! She fought to remember, but she couldn't. The harder she fought to remember the farther away the information seemed.

She tried to calm herself with deep breaths. Her adrenaline was pumping too fast, and she had to calm herself greatly to get herself to think straight. She couldn't think straight if she was spazzing out. She just had to calm... down... and think...

-.-

Kaoru relaxed into the cushions of the couch, holding the tea cup in his hand. Mori, Hunny, Kyoya and Tamaki were lounging other places around the room. They had been lounging about for about half an hour now, not really talking about anything. They had just been becoming reacquainted with being around the others of the Host Club.

Kyoya hummed slightly, drawing the attention of the rest in the room. "How is Hikaru doing, Kaoru?"

Kaoru paused, weighing his words before replying. "Still... being more or less unsociable."

Kyoya nodded. "As I supposed. Tamaki was telling me about this new maid that your mother hired. He says that she looks very much like Haruhi."

Kaoru nodded. "Yeah. Torako, is her name. She upset Hikaru really badly. He ran off and hid somewhere. Torako's looking for him for me, since I had already said I would come over here."

"As in you needed a break from Hikaru's angst."

Kaoru nodded, a guilty look on his face. "It's hard to not be depressed when the person near to you is depressed."

Kyoya nodded in understanding, giving Kaoru a small, reassuring smile.

If Kaoru had been paying attention, he would've noticed the small smirk of triumph on the face of a certain blond headed demon.

-.-

"_Hey, Hikaru...?"_

"_Mm... Shut up Haruhi... You're ruining the moment.."_

"_It's important, Hikaru."_

"_....." Hikaru shifted so that he was pulling her closer to him in his lap and so that his face was in her hair. "What, Haruhi?"_

"_I love you, Hikaru."_

_Hikaru smiled, snuffing up the scent of spiced apples. "I love you too, Haruhi."_

_Smiling, Haruhi settled against Hikaru's chest more firmly. _

_And, inwardly, both of them wished for this moment to never end. _


	7. Chapter 7

_Sorry it's been so long... I'm finally back in a writing mood... Kinda depressed -.- **sigh... **Oh well... Enjoy... Ps... I will probably be very mean to Haruhi and Hikaru... So you enjoy that. Also... I kinda forgot my story line... So this chapter is uber shaky... Forgive me please. _

_ -.-_

Hikaru shifted slightly, coming awake. He was warm. Which was weird, he decided, because usually he slept aggressively and kicked all his blankets off. The only time he ever was still in his sleep was when he managed to sleep next to Haruhi (which happened very rarely, since Haruhi said that it was inappropriate).

The last thought jerked him from sleep, with the word 'Haruhi' ringing in his mind. His eyes snapped open and the first thing he viewed was... Black lace..? The thing he was laying on was warm and fleshy, but Haruhi certainly wouldn't wear a maid's uniform...

Then it all crashed back onto him; Haruhi was dead, he was alone, and now a stupid Haruhi-wannabe maid was invading his territory. That stupid annoying maid that didn't seem to know when to quite and go away...

Then it struck him.

He jerked back, shoving the warm body away from him. He scrambled off the window seat and managed to trip over a trunk that was directly in his line of escape. He tripped and feel head long into the floor.

The maid, who seemed to have fallen asleep as well, was now on her feet, looking groggy and unsure. "Hikaru...?" she muttered, rubbing her eyes.

Stunned, he stayed on the floor, his head throbbing and his legs propped up on the chest he had tripped over. That escape had not exactly gone as he had planned.

The maid looked more awake now and carefully stepped over to where he was sprawled. She crouched and brushed some hair off his forehead. "That was a smooth move, Hikaru."

He scowled at her, anger bubbling in his chest. "_I'm_ not the freaking pervert who does perverted things to people in their sleep!" he forced himself into a sitting position and glared daggers into her brown eyes.

The maid- Torako, was it?- rolled her eyes at him. "I'm not the one who latched onto my waste as soon as I came near."

"It was an unconscious reaction!" he snapped. "Force of habit!"

"Pervert."

Hikaru resisted the urge to strike her. Even though he had complete right to do that, since she was his maid. He was sorely tempted to do so. "You just don't understand!" he snapped. "Why don't you go dust a vase or something maid like and leave me the heck alone!"

The maid rocked back on her heals and looked him directly in the eye.

His heart fluttered and clenched, sending chills down his spine.

"You're acting like a baby."

His heart clenched for different reasons. He jumped to his feet, glaring at her as hard as he could. "You don't even freaking understand! Why don't you just shut the heck up and go about your own business and leave me to mine! You don't understand how much I freaking lost! You don't know how much I lov..." his voice cracked, and he couldn't speak anymore. So he turned and sprinted from the room, slamming the door behind him.

Haruhi closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. Why did Hikaru have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't she kiss him? Why was Tamaki doing this? She wanted to cry (not for the first time, of course). She wanted to hold her poor Hikaru and tell him that it was alright. That she was alive and would never leave him again. She wanted it so badly...

But she couldn't have it. Not with Tamaki running the whole charade. She couldn't have what she wanted.

-.-

Hikaru was losing it. Utterly, undeniably losing it. He was sitting on the bathroom floor, door locked, sobbing. He couldn't help it. He had tried to mask his misery with anger, but it hadn't worked. So now he was just letting it out... He doubted that it would help much, but it was all he could manage to do.

He was sad. And he figured the best thing a person could do when they were sad was cry.

-.-

Haruhi curled up in her bed, heart sick. Hikaru was still in the bathroom, and hadn't spoken to her when she knocked with food, nor had he even ventured an inch out the door. She knew that he wasn't as stupid as to cut himself, but she was still sad that he was sad.

Suddenly, a light ring tone sounded in the air. She flipped over on her side and picked up the cell phone that Tamaki had given her so that he could keep in contact with her (even though she was tempted to 'accidentally' break it).

Closing her eyes tightly, she flipped open the phone and put it to her ear. "Hello...?"

"Hello Haruhi."

She shuddered involuntarily at the malice in the familiar voice. "Yes, Tamaki?" her voice shook, even though she wished that it wouldn't.

"Haruhi. I spoke with Kaoru today."

Haruhi flinched. "Yes. I know that... What... What did he say?"

"He says that all is going according to my plan, of course. He didn't put it in those exact words, but that's how it's going."

"So... Just keep doing what I'm doing?"

"No. I want you to make it worse. The objective is for Hikaru to fall in love with you again, so we can tear it all away."

Haruhi's heart sank. Even if she had wanted to reply, she couldn't. Her throat was tightening.

"Make him fall in love with you. I don't care what you do. Kiss him you get the chance. Touch him. Anything. Just do it."

Haruhi swallowed hard. "And what if I don't...?" she whispered. She didn't even want to imagine the consequences of not following his orders.

Tamaki paused. "Well. For one, I suppose I could kidnap Hikaru and torture him."

Haruhi shuddered. "Ok... I'll do it.. Fine. Just please leave Hikaru alone.." she pleaded.

"Good girl, Haruhi. You're smarter than you look."

There was a pause, and Haruhi almost thought that Tamaki had hung up.

"Oh. And also, you'll be attending Ouran with Hikaru and Kaoru tomorrow. Make sure the Hikaru is there, or I'll have to conjure up some way to punish you."

And the line when dead.


	8. Chapter 8

_I have been role playing for the past three days, x3, so now I am very ready to update Emotional Torture! Enjoy :) A long chapter . This will hopefully keep you happy for a while... _

_ -.-_

Haruhi stood next to Hikaru's bed, dressed in an Ouran girl's uniform. She wasn't used to the frilly yellow dress, and she actually thought they were rather ugly. She had a daunting task before her; forcing Hikaru to get up and go to school with her and Kaoru. She actually had absolutely no idea how to do this, and hadn't bothered to plan or think about it at all. In fact, the mere thought of having an all out raging battle with him had made her feel sick.

Bracing herself, she shook him gently, murmuring his name. "Hikaru.. Wake up. You need to go to school today."

He groaned a fidgeted, but didn't respond otherwise.

Haruhi's heart ached at the moment. His face was streaked with tears, and she knew that he had been crying for a long time. That was probably why he was zonked out. She wondered what time the night before he crawled into bed. Late, she assumed.

She shook his shoulder again, saying his name a little louder.

He rolled over onto his back, his lips parted slightly and his face unsettled, even in sleep. "Haruhi..." his breath came out shallow and uneven, the name merely whispered.

Haruhi couldn't resist. She sat on his bed and gently brushed her fingers over his forehead, shifting the freshly cleaned hair. He must have showered the night before. "Oh, Hikaru." she whispered softly, leaning down close to his face. "I love you so much..." her lips brushed his tenderly, lingering for as long as she dared let herself. She pulled back and looked at his now serene face wistfully.

"If only I could do that in real life..." she murmured wistfully, gently running her fingers through her hair.

-.-

Kaoru stood in the shadows, just outside of Hikaru's door. He watched this exchange in fascination. It was so strange that this girl, whom Hikaru had only treated with contempt, had managed to sound so sincere when she said those things.

He scoffed to himself, brushing off the sappy emotions that overwhelmed him. Certainly there was no way that this maid meant those things. Deciding to take action, he stepped into the room, flinging the door open.

The maid jumped to her feet, looking startled. "Kaoru!" she said with shock as he came in. "I was just getting your brother out of bed for school."

Kaoru decided to swallow the lie for the moment and nodded. "Hikaru doesn't like waking up in the mornings, so you have to be rougher with him." Kaoru backed up until his back was against the wall. Then he ran and made a flying leap, landing smack dab on top of Hikaru. "WAKE UP HIKARU!!!!" he shouted in Hikaru's ear.

Hikaru jerked awake, his eyes wide. He would have sat up, accept for Kaoru's pressing weight on his chest. "Kaoru!" Hikaru groaned. "Get off! I'm not in the mood."

Kaoru bounced a little on his brother's chest. "You're _never_ in the mood now a days, Hikaru." he told him. "But you have to get up! You can't miss school again. You've missed it for far too long!"

Hikaru stiffened almost immediately. "You expect me to go back?" he asked softly.

Kaoru nodded. "Of course! And Torako is coming to." he turned to her, smiling. "Aren't you?"

The girl hesitated before nodding slightly.

Hikaru shoved Kaoru off him. "Then there is no way in _heck _that I am going!" he snapped angrily, glowering ferociously at the maid. "I would never allow that."

-.-

Haruhi sighed, holding her bag and the twin's bags in her arms. Hikaru had finally been persuaded to come to school, but she regretted letting this happen immensely. As soon as the twins had entered the school, with Kaoru's arm and Hikaru's waste and Hikaru's arm around Kaoru's shoulder, they were mobbed by fangirls, all with worried remarks for him.

Hikaru did a good job of brushing them off and clinging to Kaoru in his twincest act, but Haruhi couldn't help but notice the mist that overcame his eyes when someone mentioned Haruhi. She sighed. It wasn't fun; not one single bit.

Not to mention the suspicious looks that all the girls were giving her. She couldn't help but hear them murmur complaints about her. They were all rude and hurtful remarks, but Haruhi forced herself not to pay attention to them. She knew that they were just jealous of her 'close' status with the twins.

The 'closeness' was actually far from the truth. Even though the twins treated her kindly here, with smiles and 'happy' comments, she knew that it would go back to disdain and aloofness as soon as the door closed behind them, shielding them from the view of the fangirls. It was only an act, she knew, though it was a good one, albeit.

Sighing, she trailed after them as they made their way to the third music room. This was the part that she was most scared of; facing Tamaki and Kyoya. She wondered if she could somehow get out of this, but she knew that it was impossible. Kyoya's reach was long and Tamaki's malice was deep; an unstoppable combination of forces most surely. She didn't dare cross them, for fear for her dear Hikaru's life.

She was introduced to Hunny and Mori, who both looked upon her with a certain coldness in their eyes. She knew it was because she looked like Haruhi to them, even though she was indeed Haruhi. They thought that Haruhi was dead, and the person who was standing before them merely an impostor of looks.

Tamaki ignored her.

Of this she was happy. She wouldn't be able to stand it if he as much as spoke to her; in fact, she probably would smack him as hard as she possibly could. Even though that would get her in more trouble then it was worth, probably...

Haruhi sat near a window, brooding about all this, when she happen to overhear a bit of sentence from one of the twin's guests. It made Haruhi shudder unhappily.

"What is _that girl_ doing in your home, Hikaru? Kaoru?" she asked disdainfully. Haruhi could hear the jealousy in her voice. "She looks like a _slut_ to me."

Haruhi leaned her forehead against to cool pain of glass, breathing deeply to try and keep her cool. It was girls like this that made her wish she was never born.

Hikaru replied to this, laughing. "She's borderline, that's for sure."

Haruhi cursed under her breath, feeling tears prick her eyes.

"I've never heard of borderline sluts." one girl snickered. "They can really only be full sluts, Kaoru."

Hikaru replied, ignoring being called the wrong name, "Then I guess she is a full slut." Haruhi could see his cheeky grin reflecting in the glass.

Haruhi cursed again, over and over, calling Hikaru vile names, trying to appease her anger. It wasn't working. It slowly took over her body and she stood, stalking furiously over to Hikaru, where she hit him hard over the head with is own backpack.

Hikaru groaned and rubbed his skull, looking up at her, a little surprised.

"Hikaru, you idiot!" she yelled, dropped the book bag onto Hikaru's lap and dashing from the room. She slammed the large doors behind her.

-.-

"That was harsh, Hikaru." Kaoru murmured in his brother's ear, softly enough so that the girl's around them didn't hear.

Hikaru glared sourly at Kaoru, then turned back to the ladies, a smile gracing his face once more.

Kaoru shook his head inwardly, unhappy with his brother's uncalled for reaction, but he managed to brush off the feeling.

-.-

Haruhi sat by one of the ponds in the courtyard, knees drawn up to her chest and tears in her eyes. Oh, how she hated Hikaru. How much she despised him! Why was he such an idiot all the blasted time?

She stared into the water unhappily, wishing that she could somehow rewind time and stop this all from happening. She wished that she could just.. Stop herself from ever loving Hikaru Hitachiin!

A tear rolled down her face and dripped off her nose.

"Are you ok?"

Haruhi jumped at the voice and turned, coming face to face with golden eyes and peach colored hair. The boy smiled at her, crouching close by, and holding out a tissue to her. "Don't tell me you were dumped." he said, almost jokingly.

She frowned, but took the tissue. "That depends. Are being dumped and being called a slut the same thing?"

He whistled slowly. "Harsh." he replied. "Who would call you a slut though? You seem fine to me." he shrugged.

Haruhi smiled wanly. "Hikaru Hitachiin."

The boy laughed harshly. "Of course. He's the only person in this school that would call a girl such as yourself a slut."

Haruhi dabbed at her eyes, staring at him. "Not like you would know anything about me though."

He raised an eyebrow. "No? You think not?"

She shook her head. "I've only just started today."

He grinned. "Right, right, I knew that." there was a glimmer of a lie in his eye, but Haruhi decided to ignore it. "I'm Hikari, by the way."

Haruhi paused before bursting into laughter. "That's a girl's name!" she exclaimed to him, giggling.

He shrugged. "Helps the author advance the story, I suppose." he smiled. "And what might your name be?"

She paused. "Err... Torako." she said lightly.

He smiled. "Nice to meet you, Torako!" he grinned. "You seem to be the only decent one in this school."

She returned his smile. _That's exactly what I thought when I first joined.. _she thought, then chuckled.

"Torako?"

Haruhi looked past Hikari and saw Hikaru standing there, staring at them with a blank expression.

Haruhi stood up, then helped Hikari up. "Oh. Hikaru. Do you need something?" she asked, no emotion in her voice, other than the cool tone of submission. She was his maid, after all.

Hikaru's eyes were on Hikari. "Who's this?"

"Oh. This is Hikari." she smiled. "Problem."

"None at all." Hikaru said, his facing turning stone cold. He whirled on one foot and stomped off, yelling back at her, "Come on Torako, we're leaving!"

She winced and followed after him, throwing an apologizing look at Hikari. "Sorry!" she mouthed, then hurried after Hikaru, trying to catch up.

As soon as they were out of sight, Hikari smiled. This would be fun.

-.-

Hikaru didn't know why his heart hurt so bad at seeing Hikari and Torako together. He didn't know why he felt so... _Jealous! _He felt so stupid for feeling this way, but he couldn't help it. The emotions were bubbling strongly in him, wanting to burst out. He did his best to keep them in.

Finally, he spoke, and there was a cold cruelty in his voice. "Getting awful cozy with that _Hikari,_ weren't ya Torako?"

"It's none of your business." she replied, just as cold.

He glared at her. "As your employee, it is completely my business to know!" he snapped.

"Too bad!" she snapped back and hurried ahead, leaving Hikaru behind her.

_Why did this hurt so bad...? _he wondered to himself as he slouched after her, unhappy with the current situation.


	9. Chapter 9

_Nyah nyah... Sorry it's been so long..._

_ -.-_

The atmosphere at the Hitachiin house was torment. Hikaru was being as cold and aloof to Haruhi as he had been, but it seemed even colder now. Instead of calling her by name, he called her 'Maid', and instead of speaking directly to her, her spoke to her through Kaoru.

"Kaoru, tell the maid she needs to make my bed."

"Kaoru, tell the maid she needs to walk the dog."

"Kaoru, tell the maid she needs to go plummet off a cliff."

It was degrading and hurtful. Hikaru was back to acting like a spoiled rotten child. Whatever progress he had made towards being mature had vanished along with the Haruhi he knew. He clung even harder to Kaoru now, whether they were at school or at home. If Hikaru had sewn their hands together, he would not have been able to cling closer to Kaoru so often.

Kaoru was a little nicer to her, at least. He called her by her name and tried to go easy on her. It didn't make up for the blunt snubs of Hikaru, but at least he was trying.

The boy she had met, Hikari, had not talked to her either, which seemed to make her even more depressed. _It's because I'm desperate for decent attention._ Haruhi told herself when she felt that way. _I'm not the only person in school he's allowed to talk to._

She knew that Tamaki was overjoyed by her depression too, since she didn't attempt to hide it from him when he spoke to her. When she glared miserably at him, he merely laughed at her, discretely. Kyoya completely ignored her, not even bothering to revel in his and Tamaki's 'victory'.

Haruhi began escaping to the attic whenever she could. It was the one place she found solace. It was the piece of her and Hikaru's relationship that didn't feel tainted and wrong. The last piece of it that she could clutch to her chest and refuse to release to anyone or anything. It was hers and hers alone. She didn't have to worry about Hikaru or Kaoru coming up here either. Hikaru was too busy clinging steadily to Kaoru and Kaoru was too busy attempting to satiate Hikaru's need to be with someone.

-.-

Kaoru sighed and softly closed the door. He had managed to convince Hikaru that he himself was going to take a nap, so Hikaru had lain down with him. But instead of sleeping, Kaoru had lain in wait until Hikaru had drifted off into slumber. Kaoru was as loyal as anyone would be to their twin, but the needy, clingy, whining Hikaru that his twin had become was slowly running Kaoru ragged.

Kaoru blew out a small breath and went to hunt for Torako. She needed him to make a soup or something for Hikaru, for when he woke up. Which he hoped wouldn't be for a few hours, but he might as well get her on it now. He swiftly found her in Hikaru's - old - room. She was patiently sorting his clothing into two piles. Dirty and clean. Hikaru tended to toss things hither and thither, and eventually, everything became mixed. She hummed softly to herself as she carefully sorted.

"It's no use." Kaoru said. She looked up, seeming unsurprised by his appearance in the doorway. "You might as well just wash all of it."

Torako laughed. "There are about ten loads of clothes her to wash." she said with a smile. "I would rather sort first."

Kaoru frowned at her and walked over to plop onto Hikaru's stripped bare bed. "That's so dumb." he muttered.

Torako ignored his comment and continued sorting. "Is Hikaru asleep?" she asked him.

He nodded, watching her work. Her hands were small and nimble, working swiftly and efficiently. "You're like Haruhi." he blurted out.

Her smile was thin and strained. "So I've been told."

"But not like, vaguely like Haruhi. Like. A lot like her. So much like her, I think it's killing Hikaru!" his voice rose to a desperate shout at the last statement. He hadn't meant to shout. In fact, he hadn't even meant to say it at all. He was frustrated with the entire situation. Frustrated with this Haruhi clone, frustrated with Hikaru, frustrated with everything! Why couldn't life be easy? Normal? Why couldn't it go back to the way it was? Where the real Haruhi was here, helping Hikaru and making them all smile? Why was this fake Haruhi here and not the real Haruhi?

He hadn't realized he had been trying to yank hair from his scalp until he felt the small gentle hands envelope his wrists. Soft fingers disengaged his hands from his locks, letting them drop to his sides. Then those soft, cool, comforting hands were on his cheeks, gently cupping them against her palms.

"Kaoru? It's ok to be upset about it all. I can tell you've been trying to be strong for Hikaru. But you don't have to be strong all the time."

He looked at her, his golden eyes meeting her soft brown ones. They were like pools of melted chocolate, gentle and caring. "Why does it have to hurt so bad?" he choked out before he broke down completely, tears streaming from his eyes and sobs racking his body. He crumpled into her arms, letting himself surrender to her gentle embrace.

Her hands gently stroked his hair and she murmured comforts to him, though he wasn't sure what the words were. She was like magic to his soul, slowly helping him rebuild what had been broken. He cried until he fell asleep, his head cradled in her lap and his arms around her waist.

-.-

Hikaru woke suddenly, to a loud noise just brushing his subconscious. It sounded like a yell. It sounded like a Kaoru yell. He jolted up in bed and began blearily stumbling down the hall to look for his brother. He paused in the doorway to his old room and froze. There was his brother. And there was the Maid. The menace.

And she was holding his brother.

And his brother was sobbing.

The Maid's hands were gently smoothing Kaoru's hair, and she whispered gently to him. He couldn't hear what she said.

Hikaru's heart froze in his chest, clenching painfully. He felt tears welling in his own eyes, and he protectively wrapped his arms around his stomach, hunching forward slightly. He felt vulnerable as he watched, vulnerable and lonely. So so lonely.

_Kaoru is mine._ He thought to himself. _He's all I have left!_ Anger began to battle against the loneliness. He soon found himself stepping into the room, teeth clenched.

-.-

Haruhi glanced up when she heard Hikaru enter. Kaoru was asleep, his hands clenched into the fabric of her maid's dress. She held a finger to her lips.

She was not unaware of the way that Hikaru's jaw tightened in anger.

"Yes Hikaru?" she whispered softly, her fingers still tracing gentle patterns through Kaoru's hair.

"What are you doing?" Hikaru demanded through clenched teeth. His breath hissed through his lips, and his face turned red with fury.

"Do. Not. Wake. Him. Up." Haruhi ordered sternly, glaring at him forcefully.

Hikaru's fists clenched tightly at his sides, then relaxed. "He's _mine._" he said, his voice childish.

"Hikaru..." Haruhi began with a sigh, sensing a meltdown of sorts coming on.

Hikaru shook his head, his right foot stamping with impatience. "Kaoru is _mine!_" he almost shouted. "You can't have him! You can't take him from me!"

Haruhi saw the moisture welling in Hikaru's eyes, and she felt her own get misty. "Shhh." she said gently, attempting to shush him. "You were asleep, and Kaoru needed a hug."

"That's more than a hug!" Hikaru hissed disdainfully.

"Then he needed more than a hug."

"Get away from my twin!"

"He's sleeping!"

"I don't care!"

Haruhi stared at him incredulously. How selfish Hikaru was being. Kaoru was sleeping. He was sleeping peacefully for once, and Hikaru wanted to take that away from him.

"Don't look at me like that!" Hikaru whined.

"If you want him awake, wake him up yourself." she told him, feeling a little fed up.

Hikaru paused, then stared at his brother. Kaoru looked relaxed and serene, like he was having a sweet dream. Hikaru's fists clenched and he whirled on one heel, slamming out of the room. He was sobbing before he was down the hall.

Haruhi sighed to herself, stroking Kaoru's hair gently. "Oh my dear Hikaru..." she murmured to herself. "Oh, how I wish I could tell you. I wish so much." she gently pulled out of Kaoru's grip, slowly so as not to awaken him. When she stood, she bent down to kiss Kaoru's forehead gently. "I love you, Kaoru. I love you and Hikaru so much. Hang on, a little longer. Hang on for me. Please, hang on for your Haruhi." she made sure to whisper these words in his ear, in case Tamaki was listening in. Then she turned and left, closing the door gently behind her.

-.-

As soon as the door closed, Kaoru's eyes sprang open. His heart beat wildly in his chest. What was that? he wondered, sitting up. Torako had almost sounded like... He forced his thoughts to hault. He wouldn't think of it! He couldn't even hope.

_"Hang on for your Haruhi.._"


	10. Chapter 10

_Emotional Torture chapter ten c: Fyi, I will be updating regularly now. Every Monday if I can. ^^ I hope I haven't lost all of my readers because of my long absence ' Forgive me I rly didn't mean to be away so long. I blame internetz spazz and moving. But I'm sure you don't want to read my rambles c: On with chapter ten!_

_ -.-_

Haruhi knew that Hikaru had probably sprinted directly to the attic. He had always been predictable, whether Haruhi was 'alive' or not. She wanted desperately to go to him and tell him that it was ok, like she had been able to for Kaoru. She knew, though, that her presence would be resented, not accepted and needed.

So, as much as she wished and wanted to go to him, she didn't. He might be better off sorting out his feelings himself, without her interference.

Haruhi was worried about him, though, despite her choice to leave him alone for now. Maybe Tamaki and Kyoya had hypothesized this would happen when they had come up with and set forth to accomplish this 'experiment'. Maybe they had known that Hikaru would react like this, but surely they hadn't realized how extreme his reaction would be. Some days, Haruhi was almost sick with worry over Hikaru's actions and reactions to things. Naturally, she was always worried that Tamaki would hurt or even kill Hikaru if she slipped up, but this worry was different. It wasn't a vague threat from a distant tormentor. This worry was up front and personal, in her face twenty-four hours a day.

It was the painful possibility that Hikaru might take his own life.

The thought, whenever it arose in her brain, always made Haruhi shudder with fear. She didn't think that Hikaru would kill himself, but what did she know? She though that he would bounce back after she 'died', but she had been completely off on that. And it had been weeks! Months! Since she had died.

She wondered if Kaoru was worried about the same thing. She wished she could ask him, but she couldn't bring herself to. Earlier that day, when Kaoru had cried on her shoulder, that had probably been a fluke. A moment of weakness, of pure vulnerability, that Kaoru didn't have the strength or will to deny. She had been there when he needed someone, so he had taken the opportunity. She did not expect him to change his general attitude towards her.

Since she had decided not to go to Hikaru and attempt to comfort him, she instead went to the room that the twins now shared. The bed was a tangled mess, sheets pulled clear of the mattress edges and the comforter strewn across the bed, one edge of it slumping in a heap on the floor.

Haruhi sighed. Every time she asked how they had slept, Kaoru always responded with a cheerful "We slept great." This proved otherwise. No person who slept great could uproot a sheet from the mattress after one night.

As she crossed to the other side of the bed, she found a small pallet. It was not as much of a twisted mess as the bed, but it was still in unruly blanket tangles.

_Kaoru probably sleeps here._ She concluded to herself. She reached to pick up one of the blankets from the pallet and found that it was damp with sweat. Either Kaoru sweated profusely in his sleep – which she knew for a fact that he did not – or he was being plagued by vicious nightmares, or night terrors as her dad called them. She figured that Hikaru also suffered from these horrifying dreams.

She paused, imagining the scene that she missed at night. Hikaru asleep on the bed, Kaoru on the floor. Hikaru, while having his dream, kicking and flailing, fighting off unseen horror. She imagined him screaming, yelling, terrified and crying in his sleep. She slept in a nearby room, but she knew that she wouldn't hear if he did scream. The rooms were practically sound proof, giving privacy to the dwellers. She would not have heard Hikaru's voice if he called out in sleep. She imagined him waking up, screaming for her to run, only to find that he had been transported from a vicious nightmare to an even more vicious reality.

Kaoru had night terrors differently though. He probably clenched his fists into the blankets, his entire body rigid with fear until sadness overwhelmed him and he curled on his side into a ball. He stood like a rock through his dreams, stood through the pain. And when he woke from the horror, instead of a scream, only a gasp escaped him.

Haruhi shivered and closed her eyes. How Hikaru and Kaoru must dread the looming night and the terrible dreams that the darkness brought to them. She herself was guilty of taking sleeping pills that kept her in the utter darkness of a dreamless sleep.

She began to pick up the blankets and sheets and pile them near the door to be taken to the laundry room. She would replace the sheets and blankets so that they would at least have a clean bed to sleep in.

She moved into the bathroom to dig out some clean sheets and blankets When she came back out, Kaoru was sitting on the floor his back against the closed door. She paused, surprised, and took in his tired, tear streaked face. He glanced up to meet her eyes once, then turned his eyes back to the floor.

She smiled and moved to the bed, laying the blankets on the ground and working the sheet into it's place. "So.." she began, breaking the quiet, keeping her eyes on what her hands were doing. "Nightmares?" she glanced up to see his reaction to this, and found his soft golden eyes locked on her.

When their eyes met, he sighed and lowered them. "Hikaru's nightmares are worse than mine. He always wakes up screaming and he babbles and cries for up to ten minutes after. He relived Haruhi's death every single night. He babbles about blood, and how she's slipping away from him.." his voice took on a note of panic as he continued ".. and how it's all wrong, so wrong, should have been him and not her." he stopped, calming himself.

Haruhi assumed that what he had said was a direct quote from Hikaru's nightly 'babbles'.

"Every night." he continued. "On a good night, he'll only wake up once or twice. On a bad night though?" he shivered slightly. "Every hour, maybe every two hours." he shook his head, looking dejected. "I'm afraid if this keeps up, he'll be so tired he'll fall asleep at school. What then, I wonder? Our facade would crumble."

Haruhi thought that it was a little shallow that Kaoru mentioned his and Hikaru's act at school, but she knew that he was just concealing what he really felt. She paused and let the silence envelope them for a moment before asking gently, "And you, Kaoru? What are your nightmares about?"

Kaoru didn't answer right away, staring blankly at the carpet. His fingers picked at the threading, plucking loose fibers and dropping them, then repeating. "About earlier." he said suddenly, completely ignoring her question. "I'm sorry. Last night was a particularly bad night for Hikaru, so I was tired and emotional."

Haruhi silently stripped the pillows of their soft, silken cases, then slowly recovered them with fresh covers. She let the silence sink in as she did this, waiting to speak. Then she said quietly, "You know, Kaoru, Hikaru isn't the only one that lost someone. He isn't the only one who is hurting. You don't have to act like he is."

Kaoru glanced at her and gave her a feeble grin. "But he _is _the only one who lost a girlfriend."

Haruhi shrugged and turned her back on him, unfolding and setting out blankets for Kaoru's pallet.

"She was important to all of us, of course. Hikaru, me, Mori, Hunny, Tamaki, Kyoya..."

Haruhi shivered at the sound of the two names she had come to dread.

"But Hikaru lost the one who saved him."

Surprised, Haruhi turned back to him. "Saved him?" she couldn't keep the shock out of her voice.

Kaoru nodded, eying her like she had suddenly grown tentacles. "We were connected, ya know? Less two people, more one. We were interchangeable. I could be Hikaru for the people who wanted me to be Hikaru, and he could be Kaoru. It was how it always was, since we were little. I guess it twisted us. Hikaru was never happy. He's more the individual than me." he laughed, though it was a hollow laugh. "But then Tono came along. He wanted to recruit us for his Host Club." He laughed again, for real, at the memory. "It was a step in the right direction, a step towards become two individuals instead of one individual divided into two bodies. It wasn't enough to totally rescue us from our dark world of two, though."

Haruhi nodded like she understood, but at the moment she felt utterly clueless. She didn't understand. She hated that feeling.

"Then Haruhi came along." a tender but distant look entered his eyes. "He – she – was this skinny gay guy who stumbled into the host club and meant nothing to us. At first. Then, as the truth revealed itself, and our relationship expanded, she transformed. Kind of like the ugly duckling." he laughed.

Haruhi felt like an anime character, sweat dropping at his cruel, but probably true, humor.

"She transformed into a beautiful girl who didn't fit the mold that we were used to. She was different. Lovely. Amazing. She was totally ignorant, too. I doubt she ever would have guess the extreme role she played in Hikaru's and my life."

'Ignorant', 'Ugly duckling'... Haruhi stifled a sigh. Those were the exact type of words that the twins would use for her.

His gaze turned wistful. "She was completely unattainable to most of us. Hikaru didn't know how lucky he was to have her."

_Leaving me lonely._ Haruhi finished for him in her mind. She always tried to include Hikaru's twin whenever she could, so that he wouldn't feel totally abandoned. She felt like she had failed this, now.

Haruhi felt like she was distant, too. Like her former Haruhi self that was loved and known by the rest of the host club was fading. She was entering her new self, even though she desired to stay in her old self. She was becoming someone not her. A person who had not relations to the Club and the people in the club.

She was becoming an outsider.

"She looked at Hikaru and I as two separate wholes. Two people separately instead of one person divided." he touched his cheek, looking awed. "She knew my name. She knew me for me, Kaoru, and knew Hikaru for him, Hikaru." he sighed and smiled at her, his mind returning to the present. "Probably sounds pretty stupid to you, huh? How could one girl change everything? How could one girl split apart a world that had been built for years? How could on girl change everything? How could one girl make such an impact on two lost, lonely boys?"

She smiled back at him limply. She felt a bit like a traitor, listing to him say all this. She was Haruhi and he was talking about Haruhi, but he didn't know. He thought he was talking to a maid that would listen and then spread this around as juicy gossip.

"But we loved her." he continued. "She was the first person we loved other than each other. She was special. That's why Hikaru is so broken by her death. She was the only person he loved besides me. It broke his spirit. I'm afraid he won't be able to love anyone ever again."

He sighed and stood, brushing off his shirt. "Sorry you keep having to listen to me be all angst-y." he grinned at her. "I guess I'm getting used to you." he winked. "Or at least, I think you're to stupid to understand how serious this all is."

Haruhi smiled, her heart aching. Her sweet Hikaru. She never knew she had helped him in such a way. Then Tamaki and Kyoya had made her destroy it all. Every last bit of progress that Hikaru had ever made was ripped from him, like a carpet being yanked cruely from under his feet.

By now, Haruhi had finished making both beds. "I have pills." she told Kaoru, choosing for now not to comment on his story. "They help me sleep. Maybe they would benefit you and Hikaru also?"

Kaoru shook his head. "If the other maids noticed us taking pills, the rumor would go directly to Mother. She'd have us both on anti-depressant pills in about point zero three seconds flat."

Haruhi grinned at him. "I'll sneak them to you guys. I think they would help." Her smile fell from her face. "Maybe.. Maybe it would help Hikaru, you know? So he's not so..."

"Depressed." Kaoru finished for her. "So Hikaru isn't so blasted depressed."

She nodded. "I mean. I'm worried that he might..."

Kaoru held up a hand, shaking his head firmly. "Don't say it." he commanded, his voice gently but stern. "Don't even say it." his lips quivered gently, and if Haruhi hadn't been paying attention, she would not have noticed. "I can't even imagine, if Hikaru.." Kaoru stopped when he voice broke. He cleared his throat. "Just don't. Sneak the pills to us and I'll convince my brother to take them."

Haruhi smiled gently, rounding the bed to lay a comforting hand on Kaoru's arm. "I will. And don't worry, Kaoru. We won't let him do anything that stupid."

He smiled back and nodded. "Of course we won't."

-.-

Tamaki leaned back in his chair, a small smile gracing his lips. His master plan was working. The essence of his plot was this: Take Haruhi from them. Make them love another 'Haruhi'. Take him from them again. It was the ultimate form of emotional torture. It would shove those two demons back into the dark world from whence they had came!

Tamaki cackled and sent his spinny chair spinning. As he whirled, he felt satisfaction settle over him like a blanket. Sure, his plot had some holes in it, like the lack of cameras in the attic, but it was perfect in his eyes.

Kyoya entered the room, eyes flashing with amusement as he watched Tamaki spin.

"What is it?" Tamaki demanded, setting his feet flat on the floor to halt his spin abruptly.

"We've been invited to the Hitachiin residence for a sleepover." Kyoya said mildly.

Tamaki's brown wrinkled in confusion. He had just watched then entire episode with Kaoru and Haruhi. He had heard nothing about a sleepover.

"Hikaru." Kyoya reminded him mildly.

"Oh!" Tamaki exclaimed, laughing at his stupidity. "Of course. When is this 'sleepover'?"

"Tonight."

Tamaki leaned back in his chair, a gleam in his eyes. "Perfection."


	11. Chapter 11

I'm an official Hetalia addict D; So I'll probably be making a new username for Hetalia fanfiction. [OCDself says : MUST. KEEP. FANFIC. SEPERATE RAAWWRRR U]]. As for this fanfiction, I'll try to wrap it up before the school year starts. It's been so long for me to update, that I feel guilty ^^; I'm sorry guys. I hope you'll forgive me!

-.-

Haruhi found herself standing in the shadow's of one of the twin's game rooms, ready to wait on the six boys hanging out there. The sleepover was that night, and to her horror, both Tamaki and Kyoya were there. Her nerves were eased, though, because of the presence of Mori and Hunny. Both had recovered her death, and were their normal selves. Their soul goal that night seemed to be to put Hikaru in a chipper mood, or at least, a somewhat chipper mood.

Hikaru, though, didn't want to be cheered up. He was slouching sulkily in his chair, looking worn out and defeated. Hunny was in his face, smiling and laughing, offering cake and bun bun every two seconds, making Hikaru's mood exceptionally worse. Haruhi could feel his aura darkening from across the room.

_Hunny, please stop.._ she begged silently, but her soundless pleas were interrupted by the door bell ringing. Tamaki jumped up, his eyes shining, yelling, "I'll get it, I'll get it!" he dashed from the room, Kaoru hot on his heals.

"It's _my _house, Tono, let _me_ get it!"

Their yells faded as they got farther from the game room and closer to the front door. "Who could that be?" Hunny mused, looking curiously at Kyoya as though he might have the answer.

"A friend of Tamaki's." Kyoya responded. "Kaoru gave him permission to invite his new friend."

Haruhi could tell that even Hikaru was curious of who this new person was, his head lifting just a little from his slump. She was glad that he was taking some interest in this, instead of sulking the night away. It was a start.

Tamaki skipped back into the room a moment later, followed closely by... Hikari? Haruhi couldn't help but take in a sharp breath, making a 'gasping' sound that she was sure Hikaru heard. He threw a glare at her, then turned to Hikari. Hikaru's glare was venom, shooting daggers at first Tamaki, then Kaoru, then Hikari, where his gaze stayed.

Haruhi was glad that Hikaru didn't comment though, since that probably would have started a fight that might end in bloodshed. He merely glared, and then when he got tired of glaring, he slouched back into a sulk.

"This is Hikari!" Tamaki said with a bright smile. "That's Kyoya, Kaoru, Hikaru, Hunny, Mori and H..." his finger pointed towards Haruhi and he stopped. He knew he had almost screwed up, and a flash of annoyance crossed his face. "her... Her name is..." he covered it up, his voice faltering as he stared at Haruhi.

"Torako." Hikari supplied, grinning devilishly at Haruhi. "Her name is Torako."

Tamaki perked up, grinning widely. Only Haruhi saw the glint of malice in his eyes as he threw first Haruhi, and then Hikaru a sneeky glance. "Right, right! Torako. So you've met!"

Hikari nodded. "Briefly, but we've met." His eyes met Haruhi's, and for some odd reason, she felt her face go hot.

Kaoru jumped in then, sensing the atmosphere from Hikaru, which had turned deadly cold. He began blathering about the fun they would have, and what games they would play, and discretely dismissed Haruhi to get some snacks and drinks.

Haruhi was glad to oblige, slipping from the room and hurrying away.

-.-

Hikari gave Tamaki a fleeting glance, but Tamaki shook his head, covering it up with a disbelieving laugh; Kaoru was telling a convenient story that required an skeptical laugh, giving him the perfect cover up.

Hikari sat back and smiled. It wasn't time yet, but it would be time soon. Tamaki had called it the 'domino' effect. Bad things would happen, sympathy would be provoked, and with sympathy, love would come. It was an illogical thought process, really, but Hikari knew not to argue with Tamaki's logic.

He wasn't sane after all.

-.-

It was later in the night; around midnight, when the boys all – mostly all – agreed that video games were getting boring. Sprawled on the floor, on chairs and on couches, they all brainstormed on what to do next.

Haruhi stood in the corner wearily. Hikaru, who had put on a happy face after Kaoru had whispered something in his ear, had made her run back and forth, fetching this and that. She was exhausted, and her feet hurt. Hikaru had refused to let her sit down, despite Kaoru's protests about maid cruelty.

"We could just sleep." Kaoru suggested, after several rounds of suggestions had passed and nothing suited everyone's tastes.

Groans of disapproval echoed, making Kaoru laugh. Tamaki perked up after the noises died, and said, "Hey! Why don't we play hide and seek?"

Haruhi was the only one who saw Hikaru stiffen, his face hardening with contempt.

"Yeah!" Hunny exclaimed, jumping up with a grin. "Like old times, huh guys?"

Silence descended on the room, and flashbacks ensued. When the flashbacks were over, Hikari was the the only without tears in his eyes.

Tamaki, in a storm of rosepetals and tears glistening on his eye lashes, rose, struck a dramatic pose, and said, "Like old times it is then." turning, he grinned, almost wickedly, at Kaoru and Hikaru. "You two! I dub you 'it'! Everyone else, get a partner and hide!" he shouted 'hide' at the top of his lungs, grabbed Kyoya by the hand, and sprinted from the room.

"Why in pairs?" Hikaru grumbled absentmindedly, still in flashback land.

"Probably so that it doesn't take so long." Kaoru told him as Hunny and Mori left the room, Hunny riding straddled across Mori's shoulders enthusiastically shouting about how they were gonna win.

All that was left in the room was Hikaru, Kaoru, Hikari and Haruhi.

"I guess we're the last pair." Hikari said with a wide grin, holding his hand out to Haruhi.

Haruhi was surprised that he asked her to play; even if he didn't have a partner, most rich kids she knew, would have taken off, over joyed that they didn't have to be tied down by something so hinder some.

Ignoring Hikaru's irate glare, she stepped towards Hikari. She ignored his hand though, not wanting to provoke Hikaru any more than necessary, and left the room. Hikari followed her willingly down the hallway.

"You live here." he told her. "Where do you think the best place to hide is?"

Haruhi knew herself that there was no place to hide that the twins would not look; the object of this game, to her, was to hide in a place that the twins wouldn't look until very last. "Someplace obvious." she pondered out loud. "They'll expect someplace complicated, or extravagant. We need someplace simple and in view of everything. Like.."

"Like that broom closet?" Hikari interrupted, pointing.

Haruhi smiled. "Exactly. Shall we?"

Hikari nodded eagerly, and opened the door, bowing to her, a cheesy grin on his face. "M'lady."

She swept past him, into the dusty interior of the closet. Hikari followed her, closing the door quietly behind him. Darkness swept over them, but Hikari pulled out his cell phone and switched it to 'flashlight' mode, warding off the lack of light.

"This might take awhile." Haruhi said, settling herself on the ground. Hikari followed suit, sitting close to Haruhi. Haruhi didn't know if he was sitting so closely because of the lack of space or because he wanted to.

The two sat in subdued silence, listening for the two 'seekers' to come by. They did, three times, once with a whining Tamaki and a silent Kyoya on their heals. Each time they clomped by, yelling at the top of their lungs, Hikari and Haruhi would hold their breaths until the noise diminished. After, they shared a silent, but triumphant grin.

After the third time, during their grin, Hikari suddenly leaned in, pressing his lips to Haruhi's. Haruhi was too surprised to react, and, Hikari, taking this no rejection as acceptance, he pulled Haruhi roughly into his lap, deepening the kiss as he did so.

Haruhi snapped out of her daze, and pressed her hands against Hikari's chest, trying to pull away, but his arms were too tight around her for her to budge. Her protests were muffled against his mouth, and the opening as she spoke allowed him to slide his tongue into her mouth.

She shrieked in protest, battling hard now to pull away from him. He was resilient against her resistance, though, and continued to kiss her forcefully as one arm held her tightly to his chest. His other hand began to crawl up her leg, smoothing her skirt out of the way.

Haruhi hadn't realized how strong Hikari was, as all of her efforts to ward him off were fruitless. Her voice strained to be heard, as her hands and feet scrabbled to yank away from him. Fear overwhelmed her, and adrenaline coursed through her veins.

His lips parted from hers for only a second, and a hollow shriek flew from her mouth before his mouth smashed back onto hers. His kiss was angry, vicious, teeth clashing against hers as his tongue ripped at her cheeks, her tongue.

His fingers clawed over inappropriate parts of her at the same time, the harshness of his touch causing some of her skin to rip and blood to flow out.

At one point, she struck him hard in the stomach. He gasped and released her for just a moment, and she jerked away, aiming for the door. He was too quick for her, tackling her to the ground, knocking over a small stack of crates in the process. She was flat on her stomach, with him on top of her. He flipped over over, slamming her onto the ground. "Not if I can help it, b****." he snarled, and Haruhi felt hard knuckles connect with her cheek. Blood filled her mouth and she groaned in pain.

Just as he was about to strike her again, the door flew open, and a fiery red head stood there, shouting her name. "Haruhi!"

Dazed, she lay there as one of the twins yanked Hikari off of her and hit him. Blood was streaming from Hikari's nose when the twin shoved him away, against the wall. Hikari hit the wall hard, and fell, blacked out.

Haruhi came to her senses and sat up, just as a mini stampede came down the hallway. "Kaoru!" Hikaru shouted, launching himself at Kaoru – the one who had rescued her. "You ran off so suddenly, are you..." he stopped as he stared at Haruhi. She knew that her face was probably swelling up, and that her dress was ripped immodestly, but she couldn't bring herself to care very much.

Kaoru had shouted her name.

Her _real _name.


End file.
